I realised that I really needed to stop drinking alcohol when I noticed that I was actively keeping a mental list of people I admire who are sober. Every time someone who met my specific definition of <Britney Spears voice> really cool <Britney Spears voice> tweeted a sobriety anniversary or shared an insight into their alcohol-free lifestyle in an instagram post or press piece I’d think, Ugh, I wish *I* could do that, and then I’d add their name to my secret list and feel a wave of shame for being so weak in comparison. Eventually the list became quite long and it became abundantly clear that I didn’t just need to stop drinking, but that I too *could* stop drinking. (If you see it, you can be it!) So today, just over a week into Sober October, on the 100th day of raw-dogging my one wild and precious life, and at the start of my first Red Wine Szn without any actual red wine :( , I’m sharing a few of the celebs from my list who have inspired me to go AF. And maybe, if you’re currently doing Sober October, embarking on your own alcohol-free journey, or just feeling a little sober-curious, this list will help you, too.
There are a few different kinds of sober people on this list so, for the sake of click-baity listicle internet writing, I’m going to break them into three distinct camps. These categories include: The Control Freaks, The Struggle is Real-ers, and The Evangelists. Of course, we all contain multitudes and these categories do not fully encompass any one person on this list, but they’re a nice rubric for my own thinking and continued inspiration, so I’m using them. Okay! Let’s dive in!
A quick note: While there have been many friends and more norm-core writers, comedians and influencers who have inspired me to finally make this change, I’m omitting them from this list and sticking with, in true Who? Weekly terminology, the Thems of my soberspiration. As is the case with celebrity, I’m very much projecting in these following paragraphs. This is about *how I experience* the sobriety of these people based on the breadcrumbs they’ve left in the media, and is not rooted in their real lives, which I obviously don’t know or have access to. I’ve sited sources in each entry below, but this is all very much ~my interpretation~ and is much more about me than it is about them.
The Control Freaks
Generally speaking, the “I don’t like not being in control” freaks are my least favourite kind of sober person included on this list. They’re the kind I used to roll my eyes at before ordering them a lime and soda because we get it, you don’t like to have fun! your go-getter life is so much more important than having the full experience of hanging with your drunk friends! But if I’m being honest, I think my averse reaction to this kind of non-drinker always came from a place of jealousy. As someone whose brain feels like it’s constantly competing to come up with a worst-case scenario for every situation, I personally love to feed my brain chemicals that allow it to slip into the jet stream of the cosmos and coast along like those chilled out little sea turtles in Finding Nemo. In the right circumstances, I very much like to *not* be in control. But I fully understand that some people like control, that they need control, and that’s cool, too. These are those people.
Michelle Visage
According to a recent episode of Las Culturistas, Michelle Visage hasn’t done drugs and hasn’t consumed alcohol since her early 20s, and she has the flawless skin to prove it (yes, I know about plastic surgery and makeup and fillers, thank you). Knowing that Michelle has been stone-cold sober in some of the most brilliantly gay spaces in the world is breathtaking. The things she has seen! The things she has seen and remembers! Iconic. I admire that she gets down as hard as she does and that, despite being an incredible judge, she isn’t judgemental of other people’s choices when engaging in these notoriously not-sober spaces. I bet Michelle is a wonderful wing-woman on a night out. I bet she keeps her eye on the clock, rounds up all the girlies that have hit their limit at 2AM, and then tucks them into taxis so they get home safe. I like to think that she’s not just an incredible ally to the LGBTQ+ community, but also to the shitfaced community, which is something I too very much aspire to be.
Note: I’d love to sit in on a night out - or in - with Michelle and Ru. Are they doing at-home IV drips together and gossiping? Or are they constantly in business mode and soberly dreaming up the next bonkers iteration of Drag Race? Do they get in fights about fracking? I have so many questions!
The RHONY girlies - Jenna Fucking Lyons & Ubah Hassan
It’s a little unclear when Jenna started her sobriety, but according to this new season of RHONY, she doesn’t drink because she doesn’t like being hungover (same!) and says she feels healthier, more present, and happier when she’s not drinking (same, same, and same again!). I think another benefit of her being sober is that it allows her to keep her cool in the midst of all the show’s shenanigans. It’s positively inspiring that she can endure Erin’s bullying, Brynn’s flirting, and Sai’s constant complaining on top of all the other inane conversations they have without reaching for a stiff drink <insert Jessel sipping a cocktail and writing her slam book in her phone’s Notes App in the hot tub here>, which is a stunning reminder that we really can do hard things!!
On the other hand, Ubah, a human bottle of sultry and addictive hot sauce, proves that sobriety on this show isn’t just about being reserved and staying out of the fray. Ubah is so wonderfully 100% herself 100% of the time that I think drugs and alcohol would cause her systems to overheat the same way your mouth would if you chugged a bottle of Habanaro Hot (or, as she so simply puts it: “hospital straight”). In order to maintain equilibrium she has to stay sober, and watching her maintain poise, self control, and a sense of humour (something some of these other girls seriously lack) in the face of so much buffoonery is truly something to behold and to emulate.
JLo
I don’t know if Jlo should be included on this list as she’s not really someone who I think is <Britney Spears voice> really cool <Britney Spears voice> or particularly interesting (too buttoned up, a real control freak), but I do think that she looks, and always has looked, INCREDIBLE (yes, I know about plastic surgery and makeup and fillers, thank you). In an interview with Sam Sanders a few years ago, JLo said that she drinks six bottles of water a day (she does not specify the size of the bottles but I’m assuming they’re enormous) and as someone who is not rich, I will fully accept that her abstinence from alcohol (I’m ignoring the part about caffeine) is the number one reason for her glowy skin and amazing physique, rather than her access to the best skincare specialists, doctors, and trainers. So, for no reason other than aesthetics, JLo serves as a constant reminder that water is good and I should be drinking more of it instead of drinking booze.
Please let the record show that I think it’s really gross that JLo launched a pre-mixed cocktail brand earlier this year when she notoriously doesn’t drink and her husband is famously in recovery but hey-ho, capitalism! Someone, pass the water!!
The Struggle Is Real-ers
This brings us to the next category of sobriety, those who are a little bristly and grumpy about it, and you know what? They have every right to be! There are days where I definitely fall into this camp. I’ll see someone drinking a glass of perfectly chilled gamay, sparkling in the sun like a gorgeous garnet, and will think oh my god, am I really never going to have a beautiful glass of wine ever again? and then I deflate like a balloon and snap at anyone (David) who asks me a direct question (sorry, David). For some people, maintaining sobriety is really fucking hard and I think it’s important to have role models who communicate that. So without further ado:
JLo’s Husband
If JLo is the face of control freak type-A sobriety, Ben is the opposite: the face of anguished sobriety. He’s this emoji personified: 😩. He’s someone, I imagine, who kinda has to amp himself up about his good choices, hence the phoenix tattoo. I bet Ben Affleck has a mantra that he recites to himself multiple times a day, if you know what I mean? I think sometimes when he’s feeling low he thinks about that one time Jennifer Garner told him that she’s really really proud of him, because coming from her that actually meant a lot; more than the Oscar wins, more than the high he got from surprising people in the Dunkin’ drive-thru. For Ben, I imagine that staying alcohol free takes constant vigilance, mindfulness, intention. And you know what? I think that’s inspiring. If Ben can <Michelle Williams voice> 🎶 surround himself with positive things, he’ll gain prosperity 🎶 <Michelle Williams voice> and look at him out there doing the work and reaping those benefits! You go, Ben, you go!!
Marc Maron
This is going to sound so extremely sad but Marc Maron was basically one of my closest friends in my early days in the UK. I’d pop on an episode of WTF and listen as he ranted about whatever it was in his life that was pissing him off - his mother’s disordered eating, his father’s narcissism, how much the throat lozenges weren’t hitting and how much he wanted a cigarette, and with his voice in my ears I felt like I wasn’t such a lost soul in this strange new world. I don’t listen to him much anymore, but I’m always delighted when he pops up in something I’m watching – RIP GLOW – and am forever charmed by the fact that despite clearly being grateful for being over two decades sober, he’s a little bit grumpy about it too. Marc makes me feel better about waking up sometimes and thinking, oh shit, I have to do all this again?! and I know that his meandering monologues at the start of each episode have helped so many of us as we navigate different types of abstinence, including abstinence in the face of profound grief. Sometimes I don’t necessarily want a glass of pinot noir, but I want the ~vibe~ of having a glass of pinot noir, and then I sit back and say, “Ah man, this fuckin’ sucks” in my best Marc-Maron-talking-about-not-getting-on-SNL-for-the-10,000th-time-voice and I feel better. It turns out that complaining can actually be a beautiful thing, and I have Marc to thank for realising that.
Katya
Our girl Katya, the most gorgeous biological woman to ever walk this planet, has gone through it. And she doesn’t make it sound easy. I’ve been a fan of Katya since way before Drag Race, when she performed at my work Christmas Party in Boston in 2010 or 2011?, did handstands against the wall while dressed like a candy cane and kissed David so beautifully and squarely on the forehead that I was tempted to never let him wash his face again so the lipstick mark would stay forever. Katya’s soul is pure, but it’s also dark, and I think it’s really brave that she doesn’t hide the darkness from us, that she doesn’t make her drag or her health look effortless. I’m in awe of her wit, her artistry, her incredibly white teeth, and the absolute chaos of her mind.
The Evangelists
These people make being sober a part of their personality and their creative output, and why shouldn’t they? It’s changed their life for the better – in some cases it’s maybe even saved it – and they want other people to know that. Sobriety informs the work they make, the spaces they move in, the way they do their jobs. As a professional enthusiast myself, I feel most comfortable in this camp, which is why I’m using this little newsletter of mine to share this list with you right here, right now. Such a lovely lil full circle moment, no? 💫
Rob Delaney
Not a week goes by where I don’t send my friend Brent at least one absolutely unhinged Rob Delaney tweet. His mind! I imagine it’s like a haunted house estate sale up there in his noggin, that there are rooms you open and immediately close because they’re way too scary, rooms filled with trampolines and kazoos and St Bernard dogs that are so so happy to see you, rooms for crying, rooms that smell like a house full of boys after football practice, and rooms with biohazard tape across the door that you need a hazmat suit to walk into. Rob’s creative output, which ranges from stand-up comedy to acting, writing, tweeting, and fiercely advocating for the funding and longevity of the NHS, boomerangs between being off-the-wall bonkers, move-you-to-tears heartfelt, and literally LOL funny. I don’t know how he does it, but I do know that he does all of this sober and that’s fascinating to me. I’m grateful he’s so public about his sobriety, that he makes compelling art about it, and that he doesn’t shy away from the big feelings that come with being human as I think we all can learn something from it.
Note: Rob’s most recent book, A Heart That Works, about the death of his son Henry, is one of the most beautiful and soul-stirring books I’ve ever read. I think everyone (yes, you!) should read it.
Simon Pegg
As someone who made drinking wine a big part of my personality, I take a lot of inspiration from someone like Simon Pegg who has managed to professionally pivot from making art about the extremely British pastime of of having roughly one hundred pints on a night out to something a bit more healthy, i.e. getting sober, hanging out with the absolute freakiest control freak (stunt king Tom Cruise), and making action films. This culture of accidental alcoholism that runs rampant in the UK and makes Soho an absolute clownshow nightmare on Friday and Saturday nights is kind of the foundation of Pegg’s early work - Spaced, Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz. The bravery to pivot away from that, especially when the work *and lifestyle* is so beloved, is really interesting to me. Will he ever make anything as good as Shaun of the Dead again? I’m currently watching the Mission: Impossible movies, one every week, and I’m kinda leaning toward no… but maybe he’ll surprise us! And even if he doesn’t, I think it’s <Britney Spears voice> really cool <Britney Spears voice> and admirable that he’s grown and changed without eye-rolling his past work (which he should obviously never do because it’s brilliant).
Grace Dent
Out of all these folks, Grace is the person I think I most closely align with on the AF-front. I think we quit for very similar reasons and have since pursued almost parallel lifestyle changes (yes, I too am lifting weights now!). I really like the way she summed up her experience of quitting in the last three paragraphs of this interview and think this line is especially key for those who are looking to follow suit: “Nothing will change if nothing changes, and that’s it, really.” Ugh, doesn’t that suck?? Like, change is so hard, even when it’s really positive! Anyway, despite not being a famous food critic like Grace, I’ve enjoyed (and completely forgotten) so many amazing meals over the years, denied myself so many gorgeous desserts after said meals to instead opt for another glass of red, and eaten too many bags of Doritos the day after because my body desperately needed the salt. While I didn’t hit a dramatic rock bottom the way some of the people on this list have, I was 100% slowly sinking in a vat of toxicity and, like Grace, moving in spaces where alcohol was everywhere, so it was refreshing to see a sober and even-more radiant Grace saunter her way over to John and Gregg on the recent seasons of Masterchef and show me that I could very much still be me (flirtatious, exciting, ravenous) while also being alcohol-free. What an inspiration!
So here I am with 100 days under my belt and literally no desire to pick up the bottle again. (Whew, it feels good.) For anyone currently doing Sober October, anyone on their own sobriety journey, and anyone feeling a little sober-curious, please know that I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. Remember: you have to do what feels right for you and you have to really want to make a change in order to do it, and sometimes it takes a while to get through the road blocks to get to that place. Sometimes you’ll need to rely on the support of friends or family or random celebrities that you keep on a list in your mind to make it to the end of the day, but that’s okay! In fact, it’s even better than okay, it’s great. If this is something you want, you can do it. Because honestly, if *I* can do this, anyone can, and I totally believe in you.
This next week, I’ll be luxuriating in a calming sound bath with my WI girlies and finally making Alison Roman’s chocolate pudding after thinking about it for ages and buying all the ingredients to do it approximately 11 days ago – a reminder that sometimes even the best intentions take time to come to fruition, so be gentle with yourself! 🤍
Congratulations on your 100 Days!!! 🎉🎉🎉