It’s difficult for me to get into the groove of Christmas as a child-free adult. So much about the magic of the holidays stems from the traditions of childhood, and without those touchstones - my mother’s kitchen crowded with family, my dad’s speakers turned up too loud, the grip of my niece’s fingers on my hand as we step out into the take-your-breath-away Minnesota cold - it feels difficult to throw myself into the ✨spirit of the season✨. But one element of Christmas will always be the same, and that’s the music.
The following albums, all of them released before You’ve Got Mail hit theatres, are my personal Christmas music canon. They’re the albums that transport me back to my childhood home when these two weeks were spent fighting with my three brothers, sliding on the hardwood floors in stockinged feet, and sleeping under our lit-up tree. Just as I will always run to the dance floor when I hear the opening notes of Britney’s Toxic (millennials rise UP), these are the Christmas CDs that I will always seek out and play in their entirety because they were played in my girlhood, when Christmas felt the most special.
3 SHIPS | Jon Anderson (1985)
The Rainforest Café of Christmas albums (listen long enough and you’ll see what I mean), this is definitely on the weird side, but what did you expect from the lead singer of Yes? My dad played this a lot when we were young and the fact that I still think it’s kinda cool is proof that you can absolutely indoctrinate your children without even trying that hard.*
HOME FOR CHRISTMAS** | Amy Grant (1992)
Baby, baby, this Christmas album puts my little Grinch heart in motion. Not to be confused with her much-too-long Christmas compilation that uses the same cover art, this album, running at just under 43 minutes, is the perfect amount of Christmas Amy. The instrumentals are gorgeous and, every year, Grown-Up Christmas List hits in a new and even more devastatingly beautiful way. Who doesn’t love their Christmas music with a tiny bit of existential dread and some extremely 90s evangelical-style keyboard playing?
CHRISTMAS PORTRAIT | The Carpenters (1978)
THESE HARMONIES. While I’ve always thought that Richard sounded like he was trying a bit hard (his vocals on Sleigh Ride are an interesting creative decision, to say the least) Karen’s voice, smooth like a satin ribbon, more than makes up for it. The arrangements on this album are gorgeous and though it’s long (1 hour and 9 minutes) every song flows beautifully into the next and offers enough sonic variety so as not be grating. I personally think this is the perfect album for opening presents/stockings because it almost feels like you’re listening to the soundtrack of a Christmas-themed musical and the star is YOU. 🎶It’s the most wonderful time of the year for Main Character Syndrome!🎶
A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS | Vince Guaraldi Trio (1965)
Idk if it’s just a Minnesota thing to be obsessed with A Charlie Brown Christmas (Peanuts creator, Charles Schulz, was from Minneapolis and there was a lot of Peanuts representation in the 90s) or if the whole world actually knows that this album is great, but it is great. It’s the only Christmas album I will play before the 5th of December, as it feels more seasonal than it does Christmasy, and the only Christmas album by a single artist that I can listen to on repeat. 10/10 for all time.
A COOL CHRISTMAS VOL 1 -3 | Various Artists (1995? - 1997)
Produced by bougie homewares store Pottery Barn, these albums are the crème de la crème of Christmas.
As a wee lass in the year 1995, I can only assume that these CDs were sold near the checkout in Pottery Barn stores, much like how Jakob Dylan and Duffy’s CDs were sold at Starbucks. In my imagination, volume one was an impulse buy my mom made after corralling me and my younger brothers through their Galleria store, a little treat to herself after sternly whispering “do not touch that!” approximately 300 times in the space of 35 minutes and saving countless wine glasses and votive holders from our small fingers. Little did she know that this last-minute pick-me-up would change Sims Family Christmas forever! (I’m not exaggerating, these albums are so good.)
But the thing about Christmas CDs, especially ones that were only available in a store as a limited edition compilation in the mid-90s, is that adult children don’t get to buy their own versions decades later. And even if we could, we (I) wouldn’t have anything to play a CD on. But in a fit of Christmas homesickness a few years ago, I managed to find the Cool Christmas holy trinity available as almost exact*** playlists on Spotify thanks to a Christmas angel named Joe Bacon. A reminder that there’s still some good in this world, Mr Frodo!
A COOL CHRISTMAS VOL 1 | A Perfect Combination of Artists (1995??)
Volume one is both the OG and MVP of the Cool Christmas trilogy. We get Eartha Kitt seducing Santa (did you know that Eartha named her daughter Kitt and she looks just like Lisa Kudrow? It’s wild.), Pearl Bailey asking for the correct amount of money (5 lbs, but don’t forget to adjust for inflation), and Ella Fitzgerald playfully fat shaming Santa for getting stuck in her chimney. It’s just one bop after another and will always be my favourite wintery mix of holiday classics. (This was also my big gateway into jazz and I am forever grateful to the corporate Pottery Barn/Williams Sonoma/West Elm family for that.)
A COOL CHRISTMAS VOL 2 | Various Amazing Artists (1996)
This collection of absolute bangers opens with Louis Armstrong and a brilliant bass line. As we go along, we get a possibly drunk Dean Martin swaying his way through Rudolph (Rudy) the Red-Nosed Reindeer (why does he make Santa German? we will never know) and Lou Rawls’ fantastic rendition of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. This album is 28ish minutes of A++ holiday cheer and is always a big hit at parties.
A COOL CHRISTMAS VOL 3 | Various Amazing Artists (1997)
Full disclosure: volume three never made its way to the Sims house (I guess my mom didn’t go to Pottery Barn that holiday season?), but I’m including it here because it feels like an important part of the trifecta and, ultimately, it slaps. A real boogie woogie Christmas moment, this album is like one of those childhood stories you’ve been told so many times that you think you can actually remember it even thought you really know you can’t. While it wasn’t actually a part of my childhood, it feels like it was, and if Boris Johnson gets to lie about literally everything, I’ve decided that it’s okay for me to slightly fudge the truth about this. Besides, some things are just better in threes!!
And on that note, may the digital versions of these Christmas CDs make yet another Covid Christmas feel merry and bright.****🎄
*Weird and not canon is Bob Dylan’s Christmas in the Heart (2009), which my dad also makes us listen to every single year but came out too late in our lives for full indoctrination. A true Christmas miracle!!
**There are entirely too many Christmas albums titled Home For Christmas. Someone should do something about that.
***Joe added Frank Sinatra’s Let It Snow! to volume one, which is not canon. Joe really lost the plot at the end of volume two and subbed in George Ezra’s White Christmas for Bobby Short’s, which is not available on Spotify. He also made a few subs in volume three, but thankfully none as egregious as the Ezra one.
**** If you’re having trouble feeling merry and bright, might I recommend you make the season Merry and Pippin instead and celebrate the 20th anniversary of LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring! (More on this soon… Sorry/not sorry.)