There’s an episode of Call Your Girlfriend from May 2020 in which Ann Friedman interviews artist, poodle owner, and Thee Beyoncé of Flowers, Maurice Harris, and I’ve honestly been thinking about it for the better part of 18 months. The entire interview is great – Ann is thoughtful and probing in her questions and Maurice is charming and vulnerable as he talks about his lived experience as a gay Black man in America running multiple creative businesses while simultaneously creating fulfilling work for himself. I was on a solo pandemic walk the first time I listened to this episode, my camera over my shoulder and my eyes scanning for late spring blossoms when, fifteen minutes in, Maurice so perfectly articulated something that I’d been feeling that I literally stopped, rewound and listened back at least five times:
I think that this pandemic has really shown how little control we have as human beings and how ephemeral life is in all of the ways. And I think whenever I notice myself about to have a breakdown or feeling very anxious or having anxiety it's around my lack of being able to control my circumstance. Whether that's like I don't know where my next check is coming from, I don't know when I'll ever be able to leave my house again, I don't know if I'll be able to pay my employees, I don't know what's going on with any of my businesses. Like I can't control it. It's literally out of my control.
And so this sense of control I feel personally that as human beings we have been taught that we have all of this control and we can gain some sense of control but the reality is at any point in time that can be taken from me and it is not promised or guaranteed. And so to bring this full circle, flowers represent that to me in the most beautiful way, and it is such a reminder that nothing is permanent. Nothing is promised to me. I have to move on. I can't be too attached to anything because it can just go. And if I don't appreciate and love this in this moment, I will miss it. And that is what flowers do for me.
Listen to the episode and read the full transcript here.
Like omg, Maurice!! ☑️☑️☑️
When the systems in which we live feel overwhelming, when we feel powerless or like we have lost control, it’s so important to have a thing – or things – that allow us to focus our energy, centre ourselves, and feel comforted. A hobby, a ritual, a mantra – we all need something to retreat into as outside forces tornado around us.
For me, this most profoundly manifests as a meditative study of the plants that I interact with throughout my day. Whether it’s a brief meeting in the wild, or a years-long relationship nurtured in my home, I see my practice of plant appreciation almost as a personal Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept that we all grow and change,
the courage to let leaves and specimens go with grace,
and the wherewithal to stop, appreciate, and enjoy the time we have together.
A dahlia fades, a begonia blossoms, a new green philodendron leaf begins to slowly unfurl, all of them reminders that these human systems in which we live (as overwhelming and unjust and seemingly impenetrable as they feel) are not the world. The World is still evolving and growing and righting and blooming around us, and will continue to do so long after we’re gone.
A few months ago my friend Ed asked me to contribute to a small exhibition he’s organised through his art collaborative, Knot Works. I’d never exhibited any of my photography before and have generally always taken photos just for myself, as the act of capturing a beautiful moment and then revisiting it whenever I please feels like control and comfort in this chaotic world. The thought of properly printing and viewing one of my photographs was exciting, and I was glad to be asked to do something that pushed me to grow creatively, so I plugged in my hard drive and waded into my digital field of flowers, looking for the one.
When selecting my image and then pondering a name, Maurice’s words came back to me, and after some deliberation I decided to name my picture Emotional Support Tulip, as the act of capturing her beauty – and my photography practice in general –helps me to feel grounded in an unstable system. But nosiness is another grounding force in my life, and so I decided to create an interactive element to work alongside the photo as I’m curious to know what *your* Emotional Support Things are, too. They could be a BIG thing, like Ed’s art studio, which gives him a place to read and paint and create, or something small, like this Sage Tea Infuser that my friend Louise (of Your Next Episode fame) keeps in her bedroom (decadent!) and programmes to turn on just as she wakes each morning (genius!) so she can have her first brew in bed. Whatever your Emotional Support Thing is, I’m glad you have it in your life, and I’d love to hear more about it if you feel inclined to share.
The Knot Works Opening Exhibition will run until the end of October and can be viewed by appointment. I’ll be doing a small print run of Emotional Support Tulip in size A2 when the exhibition is over, as well as releasing some smaller prints of my work, and will share that with you closer to the end of the month. As always, thank you for reading and sharing and supporting this lil thing I do. x