When I turned 32, I gave myself one goal: to come away from every choice I made feeling✨GOOD✨ What would happen, I wondered, if I started prioritising how I felt over how much money I could make, or how prestigious a particular project was, or what others expected or wanted from me? We were a few years into bgsd and I was finally learning to emotionally separate my business work from my personal work/craft/art (whatever way is the least wanky of saying that), and I wanted to start exploring a more emotionally fruitful creative practice so I could grow as a designer, writer and photographer without that work being subject to unwanted critique. To kick the Kate Feels Good Festival off, I opted out of email and social media notifications, stopped setting an alarm unless it was absolutely necessary, and tried to put follow my gut rather than cave to expectation as much as possible. Almost immediately I could feel it was working. I was feeling GOOD. But then a few months later the pandemic happened and, well, I soon started to feel very bad. But in the words of Tayce, that is a story for another day…
In September of last year, I once again committed myself to the pursuit of feeling good, and I was able to trim a lot of unnecessary excess from my life– some of which was the result of the pandemic, and some the result of carefully building boundaries that better protect and support my goals. In the past year, my business partner and I have cut back on hard deadlines and have chosen a more ~fluid~ approach to our project management (after all, we’re not saving lives with our work and nothing we do is actually urgent), I’m checking my phone and emails a lot less, and I’m trying to establish and better use my voice. I’m also trying to read more, and this past week started Make Your Art No Matter What by Beth Pickens, an LA-based artist consultant. I’ve only read the first two chapters but already I’m having some therapy-level breakthrough moments, especially around time and acknowledging how much I need to rest and unplug in order to feel inspired and engaged with my work.
And so this leads me to…
When I started this newsletter at the end of January, I decided to reevaluate it at the end of March to make sure this set-up was serving me. Good news: it mostly is! I love writing this newsletter and very much value the exchanges I get to have with many of you after sending it each week (truly, thank you for your coaster thoughts and pictures last week!). I feel lucky to have this space to write and share and try out new things as I grow my voice and develop my creative practice. But the one thing that isn’t serving me is the Saturday thing. After a week of work, I need to spend my Saturdays relaxing and recharging. Now that things are opening up and tennis and garden rendezvous are back on the table, I need to give myself some flexibility in getting this newsletter out.
From this point forward, I will write Kate Things on the weekend and it will go out on Mondays. Just as I take 25 days off from my day job every year, I’ll likely take 4-5 weekends off throughout the year, too. They might be planned, or they might be spur-of-the-moment due to low energy or last-minute plans (remember those?), but I promise not to play hooky too often. After all, writing this newsletter makes me feel good and that’s what I’m all about, baby!
For those of you who are paying subscribers (thank you!), I plan to start sending bonus posts now and again. These will be little bite-sized obsessions or reactions to something in the news as/when the spirit moves me. Comments on public posts will continue to be available to anyone who wishes to use them, though I know a lot of you prefer the DM, which is totally cool too. As with all things, adaptability is important so I’ll reevaluate how all this is working at the end of June/early July and again tweak as I see fit.
This is the end of your housekeeping service. Please enjoy your freshly made bed and remember to hang your towel up if it’s not dirty as this is an environmentally-friendly establishment!
Though I’m trying to find a way of living that feels good for as much of the time as possible, I don’t always feel good (who does?!), and this past week I’ve especially been struggling with feelings of jealousy. Specifically, vaccination jealousy. This is unnerving because I’m genuinely not a jealous person! Do I sometimes want more/better? Of course! But I don’t bemoan anyone else for having things that I would like to have*. Do I aspire to be like other people now and again? Sure. But I rarely felt jealous. Until recently…
After news that many of my nearest and dearest in the US have completed their vaccine jabs, I’ve annoyingly become very woe-is-me over here in the UK**. I made the mistake of checking the vaccine queue calculator a few days ago, and upon learning that I will likely not be fully vaccinated until mid-to-late autumn, my heart sank all the way to the deepest depths of the Atlantic and settled next to the The Heart of the Ocean, where it momentarily lingered until I was able to rally it back up to the surface by promising it a freshly baked croissant and a hot bath. I’m desperate to finally meet and get to know my niece, who will be well into her second year of life by the time I see her IRL. I’m excited to visit friends and family in the US, though I’m decidedly less excited about being in the US (I’m sorry, but it’s true). While I’m ecstatic to see so many of my loved ones getting the vaccine, I’m less jazzed for some of the people I follow through this weird surveillance state we’ve all opted into, the ones who have been galavanting through the world like the pandemic is just an annoyance these past 14 months, and not something that has globally killed nearly 3 million people globally. When I see vaccination selfies from people like this I want to scream and jealousy takes over.
How dare they get the vaccine before me, a pandemic martyr who has diligently ~endured~ betwixt these four walls for the majority of this past year like a modern day Queen Mary!
How dare that woman act like she made sacrifices when we all saw her go on five vacations these past 12 months, all with different configurations of the 15-30 people in their supposed pod!
How dare this guy who doesn’t believe in masks march to the front of the vaccination queue like he’s Captain America, doing his part to protect us all, when he literally made jokes about shaking hands in hospitals on live television!
To be clear, I’m not at all proud of these feelings, but I’m feeling them. Acutely!! And feeling this way about anyone– especially people I know and in some cases even love– feels very bad, indeed. And, as previously established, I don’t want to feel bad!
I’ve been working hard this week to accept my vaccination journey. I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s extremely likely that I won’t get on a plane again until 2022, and you know what? That’s okay!*** Honestly. But my mind still spirals when I see someone who, imho, is not deserving of a pre-summer vaccine**** with a little circular bandaid on their shoulder.
So how am I coping? Not well! But one strategy I’ve adopted is something I’ll call WWMvTD, or What Would Maria von Trapp Do? As I mentioned last week, I love The Sound of Music, and Maria is the Queen of Not Feeling Bad (or “so bad”), as evidenced by the iconic song My Favourite Things. Like one of the trusting and obedient vT children, I’ve taken to writing some of my favourite things while frantically humming the tune and also humming the jealousy right out of my heart, and though I’m still very aware of the way harsh reality of being an unvaccinatee who can’t drive/fly, listing my favourite things really has brought me joy and comfort! Like a good bra, this practice has lifted and lightened, and genuinely it has helped me to feel <Julie Andrews Voice> lessssss baaaaaad<Julia Andrews voice>.
I know you’re curious, so (ahem) here are a few of my favourite things. (Bonus points if any of you can configure them into the song!)
Cat noses. They’re somehow both wet and dry?!?! How?!
Sitting with and caring for my plants, and watching in awe as they grow and change before my eyes. If you’re a houseplant obsessive, or want to be, check out How Many Plants, a wonderful new resource for caring for your plant babies. Not only is the written content good, the illustrations by Evie May Adams are gorgeous.
Cashmere.
Lists. Can’t you tell??
Shopping for literally anything with Angie, but especially grocery shopping. Especially especially grocery shopping in France. But honestly, I’d go car shopping with Angie if she’d let me and somehow even that, the very worst shopping in the world, would be fun. I miss shopping with her enormously and cannot wait until we can shop again.
Walking uphill on a brisk and windy day.
Crawling into fresh, clean sheets.
Daydreaming about my commune, complete with stand-alone saunas, outdoor showers, and a dog we all share named… Cher!
Eggs. Eggs are such a wonderful food but! did you know! that large eggs can be painful and stressful for hens to lay so we should all be cooler about eating smaller eggs? Buying medium or mixed-sized cartons of eggs helps to put less pressure on farmers and can also help chickens have better lives. Cool, right?
Campfires. Please invite me for garden campfires this summer, friends! 🙏
Kimchi. I hugely endorse Kim Kong Kimchi, which is difficult to find but so damn good. In fact, I love it so much I’ve though about becoming a distributor! Should I add specialist kimchi shop to my list of things I do??? (Someone talk me out of this.)
Summer salads with tinned fish.
The NHS.
The way David always has to hand things directly to me. Whether it’s a glass of wine or a knife or a tissue, David will try to put whatever I’ve asked for directly in my hands, which is equal parts charming and omg so annoying. I hope it never ends.
The promise of a new book.
Spending an entire day in a swimsuit on a boat with a cooler full of snacks and wine and then jumping into the salty water for a reprieve from the hot sun whenever the moment is right. (If you live in the UK and have a boat, please get in touch.)
Lemons.
Now, what are some of your favourite things? Write them down. Hum the tune. See, doesn’t that feel good?!
In an idea world, we would all come together in the pursuit of feeling ✨GOOD✨ and make getting everyone vaccinated one of our favourite things, but this world isn’t ideal and I’m telling you now, this summer is going to be wild. All the over 50s will be crowding restaurants and going to sporting events and festivals while the unvaccinated amongst us will be left cheers-ing in private gardens and fastidiously continuing to social distance. And the Americans! They are going to travel like they have never travelled before! It’s going to be insufferable and if you’re anything like me, you’re going to be so jealous. So! If you have tips that aren’t just singing The Sound of Music on repeat, or thoughts you’d like to share about dealing with or experiencing your own vaccination jealousy, please feel free to share them with the class in the comments. I very much need to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way!!!
*Let’s not confuse critiquing the broken systems we live within to being jealous of anyone else; I am not jealous of billionaires, I just don’t think it’s morally right for billionaires to exist, especially when they’re not paying taxes and so much of the workforce that has made them billionaires isn’t adequately scraping by!!
**Almost half of our entire UK population has already received the vaccine which is amazing! The rollout might not feel as fast as some of us might want, but it is still a massive achievement and the NHS is doing a brilliant job of contacting, tracking, and reporting vaccinations. I’m honestly very happy to wait my turn! Really! I am!!
***I don’t miss airports or planes at all, can we bring back affordable ocean liners, please? (Were ocean liners ever affordable??)
****To be clear, I haven’t seen any evidence that Chet has already received the vaccine, but seeing a vaccination selfie from him would absolutely make me have a meltdown right now.